My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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