i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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