I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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