Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
