I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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