I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
