i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
