It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
