i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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