It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
