Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize