we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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