Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
