he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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