Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
