What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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