I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
