Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
