i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize