508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
