i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
