I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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