Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
