I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's just like the Real World with babies
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
