i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
