Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
