my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
