i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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