how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
