The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
