Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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