girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
