Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
