I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize