Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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