I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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