So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
