Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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