I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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