Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
