a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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