Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
