Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
