oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
