I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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