I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
