i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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