I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
