I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
