Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
