come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
