I'm passing your future prison.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
