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Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize