I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
