I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
