as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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