dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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