She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
