I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This baby is an asshole
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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