You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
