Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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