Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
