I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize